Day #17: The Return

It feels like AGES since I was on this blog. . . .

Hello, world! I don't know if anyone even reads this blog anymore, but here's hoping that someone out there still cares, even though I've been remiss as a blogger. And it's not just this blog. I haven't been on The Reading Hedgehog or even The Freelance Chronicles for a while now.

I am trying to change that.

So what's this girl been up to lately? Well, I think last I talked to you guys, I was unemployed and trying to have a positive outlook on life, but it wasn't working too well. As things stand now, though: I am employed once again - and it's a much better place and I am so in love with it - and my outlook on life has improved immensely. I don't even know where to begin on "The Great Change" that occurred, but let's just say that 2015 was crazy, full of personal revelations, and I am a much, much, much better person now.

For a while, I was struggling with a lot of things. Having to quit my job so suddenly definitely didn't help, and the first few months of adjusting to my new workplace was pretty crazy. On top of that was the holiday season, being sick practically 24/7 (seriously; 2015 was the year of being sick all of the time), and just insanity. I lost my interest in reading, writing, blogging; all I had was dance. But due to a number of incidents, my love for reading and writing - and even music - has been revived. I'm back in the kitchen trying new recipes, I'm eagerly planning trips and parties and whatnot, my work schedule has finally leveled out, and I'm ready for 2016 to be an epic year. And I have every intention of making blogging a big part of this year.

I'm still trying to get all of my thoughts gathered together, so I'm sorry if this post is kind of everywhere. Go check out my other blogs to kind of see what I've been up to recently. And I look forward to seeing you all again. :)

Day #12: Hanging Out With Myself

Today I needed time to myself. So I decided to make a date with me. ;-) As a reward for completing a side job, filing my taxes, and getting through a boat-load of emotions, I had a day out in town. Just me and my music and a cool breeze through the car window.

There were two major used book sales going on in town today, so I hit the first at ten o'clock, then hung out in downtown until the next one opened. I visited a used bookstore I haven't been in for a while, popped in and out of some antique shops, and stopped by a local tea and dessert parlor to enjoy a cup and a nice fresh brownie - as well as a couple of sheep-shaped dark chocolate Easter truffles (oh my gosh, those were good!). It was so nice to sit in a window seat and read while sipping some hot orange spice tea.

After that, I walked down to the last book sale. In total, I came home with 20 books. All of them ranged from $0.50 to $2.00. There was some great finds. And when I got home, I just felt so much better. Relaxed and happy and excited and refreshed. I've spent the rest of the day recording videos, shifting my bookshelves to make room for the new books, and moving my hedgehog downstairs - as the weather is turning warm and sunny and my bedroom is just getting too hot for me and him to sleep up there.

I had a funky week, but I feel loads better now. And tomorrow I might be going to the beach!

Day #10: Running On Empty

So I really do love being busy. There's nothing more satisfying than looking at my calender and seeing full days. But while I have fun getting out and doing things, I am still an introvert at heart, and introverts need a day to be by themselves and recharge. I especially do, because I will never say no to another social engagement if I have time to squeeze it in. And the ending result of being an introvert who doesn't turn down invitations? I don't get nearly enough rest and then I crash.

I'm hitting my crashing point.

The last two weeks were busy as all hell. My off days from work were taken up with shopping errands, which are almost most exhausting than work. My mornings have been taken up with another side job that is (thankfully) coming to an end this week. I've had something going almost every Saturday evening, so my usual Pajama Day has been interrupted. I have had so much baking and cooking to do for various occasions and events and club meetings, I have been finalizing plans for my visit to New York and BookCon, which has been both fun and a burden.

And, to top it all off, my car broke down right when I needed it. Some friends and I are going swing dancing up in the Big City this weekend, and I was supposed to be the third driver. While parents are scrambling to find a new car, I'm desperately trying to get used to carpooling to positively everywhere again. It's no fun.

I can feel The Crash coming. I know it'll happen, and there will be tears and maybe some screaming. I need to let it take its course. I only hope I don't get so tired that I can't enjoy the big plans I have this week.

Day #8: A Good Kind of Tired

So this week has been the furthest thing from restful. Yesterday was errands, appointments, planning out menus, binge-reading Delirium (and limping painfully through more chapters of Twilight), and then dancing (of course). I look like Death today, but it's a good sort of tired. I like to being busy.

Best of all, though, I got my hair cut! I would post a picture, but I want to wait until April, because I get auburn highlights! I want to show it off when it's complete. We'll just say that it's awesome and giving me an excuse to learn how to use things like hair mousse and hair spray. Also got some lovely spring eye shadow colors that I'm loving.

I had some philosophical thing to muse on today, but I'm frankly a little too tired, so I'll save it for tomorrow. How is this Wednesday treating you? How did your Tuesday go? Share!

Day #9: Emotional Fences

"You can build walls all the way to the sky and I will find a way to fly above them. You can try to pin me down with a hundred thousand arms, but I will find a way to resist. And there are many of us out there, more than you think. People who refuse to stop believing. People who refuse to come to earth. People who love in a world without walls, people who love into hate, into refusal, against hope, and without fear." - Delirium by Lauren Oliver

I just finished reading this book yesterday morning (you'll get to hear my thoughts on it later this week), and I have to say that that is one of the most thought-provoking ending paragraphs in a YA novel I've read in a long while.

Maybe it's just because of my current thought process and life situation, but that quote really spoke to my soul. Up until six months ago, I was pretty gloomy and cynical and pessimistic. My future dreams and plans had been blown out of the water and trampled on, and for once in my life I didn't have any idea what I was going to do with myself. The affect this had on me was to turn me completely distrustful, negative, and hateful towards people who told me differently. They hadn't tasted the bitter brew of disappointed hopes; they were living a sugar-coated fantasy that would eventually be destroyed, just like mine.

Thanks to a few friends who didn't give up on me, and a few personal realizations, six months ago I gave up my bitterness and decided to treat my life as the gift that it is. So looking at this quote now, it makes me think back on how true it is. In this instance, Lena - the protagonist of Delirium - is talking about an oppressive government that has eradicated affection of every kind, literally fences their citizens in, and kills those who oppose them. But literal fences erected by an oppressive government aren't the only fences that exist. By holding onto our disappointments, resentments, bitterness, regrets, and hatred we create emotional and mental fences. That's what I had done to myself. And the more I held onto those things, the tighter my fences became.

Life will always throw things at us to try and make those fences exist again. Something or someone will always be trying to hem us in. But so long as we don't stop believing in the good; so long as we're not afraid to show our love - for life, for people, for our interests and passions - those fences can't keep us in.

What are your thoughts? What chord does this quote strike with you?

Day #7: Coincidence Isn't Just For Novels

Ever had that moment where you're just going about life and suddenly run into someone you never would have imagined running into at that particular time, at that particular place? What are the odds, right? What was the likelihood of both of you being at the same location at the same time?

I had that happen to me the other night. My sister and I had a Girls' Night Out this weekend. A local historic theater was playing Raiders of the Lost Ark, and of course I had to go. I grew up on Indiana Jones. And it was also the perfect excuse to check out the theater, which I've never been in. It's gorgeous and I look forward to attending more events there.

But I ran into an acquaintance there that I never would have imagined running into. The odds of us being there at the same time, same place just aren't high at all. Some people roll their eyes at coincidence in novels because the likelihood of it actually happening - or the protagonist and an old friend running into each other in London - just isn't high. But it happens. Sometimes things line up. Coincidence isn't just for novels. Don't ever assume that just because the possibility isn't high that it won't happen.

Now that I've recovered from the weirdness of that oddball occurrence, I can appreciate the weekend. It was a girls' weekend, and it's exactly what I needed. I woke up Saturday morning with a relapse into my chest cold. Bleh. And because Life sometimes likes to deliver double whammies, my friend Catherine With a C (I know two Catherines) woke up with a full-on chest cold. So our plans for Sunday night were canceled. We both need to rest.

So my mum and I took Saturday as a much-needed Mom-Daughter Day. My dad and sister were off doing something, so we got up, made a bowl of cheese-and-caramel popcorn, some virgin margaritas, and put in Eat Pray Love. While I cannot 100% relate to the protagonist's problems, that movie's ultimate message did really speak to my soul: Once you learn to love yourself, the good and the bad, you can find it within you to love others. While I didn't need a year-long tour of Italy, India, and Bali to "find myself," I did recently go through my own "self discovery" and still am a little bit. I don't suppose we ever stop learning about ourselves, though, do we?

My forever-friend Megan paid a surprise visit in the afternoon, and brought with her chicken tamales wrapped in banana leaves. Comfort food! Ever since she got busy with college, we haven't gotten to see each other very often. We've known each other literally for our whole lives and we are probably as opposite as forever-friends can get. But we are besties. It was super duper awesome to see her and gossip about life over tamales and more virgin margaritas.

With that and the movie, it was practically a perfect weekend.

Day #6: Step Back and Breathe

Yesterday I almost had a panic attack because I realized how much I have going in the next few weeks and my brain wanted to think about it ALL AT ONCE!!!!

Whoever doesn't get comfort out of making lists has never really been stressed out. As soon as I got home from work, I got out my planner, my phone, and a bunch of highlighters and sticky notes. I sat down and outlined the next few weeks, made grocery shopping lists for all the meetings and movie nights I'm in charge of, and a budgeting plan for my trip to Seattle Swing (that's the highlight of March; real big event).

I felt immensely better afterward. Call me OCD or uptight or whatever, but knowing exactly what's going on and what I need to prepare for it makes me feel so, so, so much better. I don't have to think about it anymore because I know I have a list that I can consult when the time is necessary. Schedules and highlighters and sticky notes and bullet points are my friends. In fact, I'd be a little lost without my phone.

After I did all of that, I got down to my nightly routine of prepping anything I need to prep for the next day (like more bread dough for garlic knots), cleaned my hedgehog's cage, laid out my clothes, and settled down to watch Grantchester with my parents. And I actually went to bed at a very decent hour (something I plan on doing on a regular basis), so I woke up not tired at all today!

I love life when it's in order. Tomorrow I attend my first ever pro-life meeting with a local group, and I'm so excited. I've wanted to get involved in a "worthy cause" for a long time and I look forward to delving into it now!

Day #5: Forced Shut Down

My body decided that enough was enough, and it forced me to rest. Sunday morning, I woke up full of energy - which was good, because I had a long day ahead of me. I had work, Book Club, archery practice, and then a night out to the cinema with some friends. Halfway through the day, I got a funny tickle in my throat that didn't go away.

It turned into a full-fledged chest cold towards the end of the day. I woke up Monday completely ill; I had stern orders from my boss to not even try and work. So I spent Monday in bed, sleeping, watching chick-flicks, eating yogurt pretzels, and reading. The rest did wonders for me; I can't deny it.

Tuesday morning I was feeling a lot better, but still took it easy. Did more reading and writing. Then dolled myself up to go swing dancing, even though I probably should have stayed home. By that time, though, I was showing hardly any symptoms. No stuffy nose, surprisingly no cough, and just a bit of a sore throat. But I never miss swing, not for anything. I've got the dancing bug bad. ;-)

Of course, yesterday was also tinged with sorrow. We had to put our dog Jamie down. She had bone and lung cancer, and it was just no longer possible to keep her alive and comfortable. So there was that cloud, and I imagine that it's going to hang over the rest of the week. But I try to find the positive even in this. Jamie lived a long and good life, brought a lot of joy to my family, and she's now no longer suffering. It always sucks to lose someone - family member, pet - but it does happen eventually.

The rest of this week is promising to be a little less crazy. I'm back to getting up at eight; it lets me get so much done. I was able to record all of my Youtube videos for the end of the month, and if I get to bed early enough, I shouldn't be as tired. I may even start running in the mornings. Or at least walking. Or both. I'm going to enjoy this week as much as I can, though, because this coming week is going to be crazy again. And March is just. . . .wow. Busy, busy, busy, busy!!

Day #4: More Bleh Moments

Sadly, the nice weather has disappeared and we're back to the rain. But the sun will return this weekend, and rain isn't all bad. Rain makes things grow and cleanses away the dirt and leaves things fresh and new and revitalized. Rain is sort of like natural baptism.

I wasn't awake yesterday, and I didn't even try to fool anyone into thinking I had energy. Admitting to myself and the world that I was kind of a zombie actually kept me from developing a bad mood. I got through the day, which was a long one. Woke up at my customary 8 o'clock (still really not liking it), baked blueberry muffins while I plowed through some chapters in my 6+ currently reading pile, purchased even more books at work, and then had Lit Club.

Lit Club is my little writer's group. There aren't many of us, but we have fun sharing our writing and artwork and talking about movies and books and manga and anime. Like with any group of friends, there's a lot of tangents, but it's fun.

Unfortunately, getting home heralded an hour-long battle with my hedgehog as I tried to trim his nails. He was in an especially bratty mood, and he is super ticklish. He was having none of it and I had another lesson in patience. Hedgehogs are wonderful pets, but you most definitely have to be a patient person. I got all of his feet done but one. It can keep until tonight, when I can have someone's help holding him down. It should not take two people to clip a hedgehog's nails, but my hedgie is a pill. Adorable and squishy and my buddy - but a pill nonetheless.

Day #3: Bleh Moments

Yesterday was a no-energy day. I've been trying to accustom myself to getting up at eight every morning, because then I can get so, so much more done before heading into work. And that means fewer things to do when I get home! But I'm not a morning person. Even though I don't dread them like I used to, I'm still not really awake before 9AM.

Naturally, I didn't get to bed the previous night as soon as I should have, as I was reading a very good book (again). So I was very tired in the morning, didn't really wake up all day, spent two hours in town doing bank and other errands, dashed back home to bake garlic knots and hang out with a friend for a while (she was in town from school), and then headed out to go swing dancing for the rest of the evening.

Dancing always wakes me up, so of course when I got home, I didn't want to go to sleep! So I stayed up for another half hour reading. . . .And we wonder why I look like a raccoon today. ;-)

No-energy days used to get me down for weeks, sometimes an entire month. I stopped being excited about anything, I got completely out of my schedule, I didn't want to do anything. But I was surprised to find that this time, I was able to acknowledge that no-energy days happen, and when they do, just don't think about everything you have to do - and definitely don't think about the rest of the week. Just concentrate on the moment.

I was able to feel less swamped and today I feel a lot more excited about the week again. It will be good to go rock climbing, though; the exercise always makes me feel better.

Day #2: Life's Little Adventures

I just want to talk about the wonderful weather we're having right now. It is nippy out, but when you stand directly in the sun, it's like stepping into a little piece of Paradise. Spring is officially here and I think we're also getting a hint of what summer is going to be like! I love fall and winter - I'm a "skirts with boots; scarves and leather jackets and cute hats and layered tops" type of girl. Jewel tones, warm oranges, bright Christmas red, burnished gold. But I am so, so ready to pull out the bright sundresses, straw sun hats, chunky jewelry, and spiffy shades.

Yesterday is a bit of a blur; I'm not sure why. I spent a lot of time reading snatches of While We Were Watching Downton Abbey by Wendy Wax (a really good book, BTW) and researching apartment prices in the town I'm wanting to move to in a few years: Olympia. It was mostly out of curiosity, but I did find some apartment complexes that I'm going to keep my eye on once the fantasy turns into reality. I might have already fallen in love with one of them, too. . . .

The rest of the day was spent with prepping dough for today's bread, hedgehog playtime, and outlining my finances. This girl has to buckle down and actually start pinching pennies, and I love nothing more than making lists and charts and bullet points. It's weird, actually, how much I love doing that. And like any good BBC girl, I watched the latest episode of Grantchester while I was doing it. Gotta fit in the BBC when I can, right? And I'm all about felling two trees in one blow.

All of this has reminded me how important it is to have things to look forward to in life; even if it's little things. For instance, I'm going to cinema with some friends to see The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies Sunday night. I've already seen it and going to cinema isn't necessarily a big deal. But I'm unaccountably excited about it. My week is filled with endless appointments, organizing things, and club meetings. I'm exhausted and probably the last thing I should have done was schedule a cinema trip on the day that I have two other engagements. But I love it so very much. I love being busy, doing things, and every little moment is like a mini adventure. Even the cinema! Even though I've gone to the cinema with these friends several times and have already seen the movie. I know it will be fun and I'm going to absorb every moment of it.

Day #1: How to Begin

The best way to start a blog is to just jump in feet first and see what happens. I have been blogging for about five years now and have always found that you can only do so much pre-planning for posts before they start to lose any originality and heart.

Since Curves In The Road is all about "being real" and writing with "true feeling," I'm going to do as little planning as possible when it comes to my daily posts and just write what comes to my head. How I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, and see where the road takes me.

Yesterday was St. Valentine's Day: the "most romantic day of the year." I have never been a steady observer of Valentine's Day. Some might suppose this is because I'm single, but I've always maintained that St. Valentine's Day isn't just for "couples." Why can't it celebrate not just romantic love, but the love we hold for our parents, our children, our friends, our siblings? Sure, we all secretly wish to share this special day with a significant other. But we can still get in on the action without that - it's just going to be a bit different. Meanwhile, we'll wait for the Valentine's Day that we can spend with a significant other; because that time is coming!

Every year, my mum has always bought me and my siblings these Sweethearts heart candies that have cheesy little "love quotes" on them. You've probably seen them - they are everywhere, and bizarrely popular, even though I personally think the candies taste like chalk and I only eat them because my mum gave them to me. I had sort of already celebrated Valentine's Day Tuesday, so the day itself was pretty quiet. I baked heart-shaped sugar cookies with VERY pink icing (it turned out a lot pinker than I had initially intended. . . .) for all of my swing dance friends, and my friend Catherine made these amazing chocolate truffles that are to die for.

So even though some people gave me a sad look when they heard I had no one to spend Valentine's Day with, I would say that I had a very good day. Valentine's Day shared with friends is just as meaningful. Besides, my family had a movie night and we watched Misery. Now isn't that just the perfect romantic movie? ;-)

This week, I've mostly been thoughtful. Friday was my practical driving test, which I didn't pass. I would have - the instructor said I did everything beautifully. But when I was pulling out of the world's most perfect parallel park, I didn't give my front end enough room and got a tad friendly with the bumper of the truck in front of me. There was no damage, no scratches, nothing - thank goodness - but it inevitably had to be marked as an accident on my score card and it failed the entire test.

I thought I was going to be super duper upset. What a stupid mistake! Sure, it happens to everyone eventually, but it's a mistake I would never have made outside of a test setting. Surprisingly, though, I wasn't all that mad at myself. Frustrated, yes. I have to take the test all over again and I just want this over and done. But once I got my initial anger out of the way, I was able to look at the positive: though it was marked down as an accident, it really wasn't. Nothing got damaged and no one got hurt. As I observed already, everyone does do it eventually, and at least I've now done it and it'll absolutely never ever happen again. Aside from that ridiculous blunder, I did everything else perfectly. My instructor was super nice and not bitchy or rude or mean; she saw the moment I knew the mistake I made - and that it wasn't inherent reckless driving - and did her best to assure me that it happens; I'd do better next time. And you know what? There's always bumps in the road - literally and figuratively. The only thing I can do is move on and try, try again. My next attempt is this coming Friday, and I will ace it this time.

I talked the whole thing out with supportive friends and my parents (who thought it was hilarious), and then I picked myself up (with a little help from Maroon 5 and Train), and turned my energy to other things - like tackling my closet, which had turned into Mordor over the course of the last month. The mistake was stupid, but it was easy to make, and it's done and over with, and I have a second chance Friday.